Some Whine With My Cheese

My cheese, by the way, is a fine aged cheddar.

Proof?

1) I sat down at a bar the other night, and the twenty-something behind the bar offered me a glass of Chardonnay.

2) I considered accepting her offer until rebelliously ordering a vodka and cranberry - the official drink of young sluts - girls who would order a Cosmopolitan if it weren't totally cliche. Thanks, SJP.

3) I am purchasing tickets for a Don McLean concert. Bye bye, Miss American Pie. Hello, Miss Hometown Buffet Bread Pudding.

4) I just saw that Air Supply is also playing a show, to which I excitedly responded out loud, "Ahhh, get outta town!"

5) I would totally buy tickets, except it's at 8pm on a Wednesday, and I don't think I can stay out that late.

6) I recently discovered that I like anchovies.

7) And dry sherry.

8) I made a reference to the Epilady at a party recently, and none of the other guests knew what I was talking about.

9) I found myself listening to K-EARTH 101 on my way to work this morning, because I'm apparently now their demographic.

10) Yesterday, I turned down a diet soda because of its sodium content.

I guess I should cut my hair like Sandy Duncan's, throw away my heels, and sew up my vagina. I have become my mother. Not my cool 1978 mother. My very uncool 1998 mother.

P.S. If you had to Google who Sandy Duncan is, fuck you.