Lemonade

This week is generally slow passing and torturous as are all post-festivity weeks in which you begin staring a 5 month holiday-less streak right in the boring nostrils. Lucky for me, I can make a fantastic batch of lemonade. Allow me to highlight my good fortune.

1. Although I did not win the lottery this week (but thousands of couch potatoes with bad taste in television did), I discovered that my Sponge Bob Loser Pants neighbors are moving and taking their petulant brat child with them. It's about eviction time of the month, no? Hip hip hooray!!!

2. Malibu Barbie, a majorly annoying type 1 gym instructor, has been out this week, so I have gotten to hate being fat for one less hour a day.

3. I have been using leftover Christmas napkins at lunchtime. It makes me feel environmentally friendly, frugal, and keeps me feeling young by exercising my sense of make-believe.

4. I am grateful for Kleenex changing the tissue color from white to beige at the end of the box to alert you to buy a new box. Sure, I could save a few dimes by buying cheep Target brand tissues, but when I buy Kleenex, I'm buying a built-in warning system. It's magic. What if I get sick or start crying and then BAM! pluck the last freakin' tissue from the box without warning? Why don't they market this? They advertise stupid ass lotion in their tissue, but not this? It boggles the mind. Lucky for me, I already know the wonders of Kleenex.