Anyone up for a game of Jenga and a beer?

Today I forgot to wear my engagement ring for the first time. I looked down at my hand at work this morning and gasped. I was very sad but was soon comforted by the ease with which I can again obsessively and compulsively wash and lotion my hands. I suspect this lapse in memory was a subconscious F U to the wedding industry.

Sunday, I attended my first Bridal Expo. Yikes! I should have left when I saw the Spanish radio station booth outside. Against my better judgement, I went inside where it looked like a quinceanera exploded and scores of brides-to-be in pink bedazzled sweatsuits and tiaras were trying to pick up the pieces like some fucked up version of Humpty Dumpty and his sad, desperate King's men. Note to brides everywhere: you are not a princess. Ask Kate Middleton if she's ever been to the Long Beach Bridal Bazaar. I'm sure the answer starts with an "n" and ends with a hearty chuckle. Even if you are fooling yourselves, you are not fooling the rest of us.

The vendor for Khloe Kardashian's wedding kake was present, but it didn't look too tasty, so I called my favorite baker when we got home to schedule a tasting. Turns out I can't schedule a tasting until I book my venue, but I can't book my venue until I have a guest list, but I can't confirm my guest list until I find a venue that makes my heart sing. Wedding planning is like a constant sword fight between chicken and egg. A sober game of Jenga that leaves you frustrated and annoyed.

Like Jenga, weddings aren't fun unless you're drunk, but it would be remiss for a girl with a chronically illuminated check engine light in her car's dashboard to spend hundreds of dollars on a mass champagne bender. Shit is ridiculously overpriced. Cakes, liquor, 25 yards of well manicured lawn with a gazebo plopped on top. Why is 4 hours of overt narcissism so expensive? It has become blatantly obvious why many (much smarter) people just take a trip to the court house and chase it with an economical and frosty pitcher of beer.