My Will to Live Has Been Renewed

I worked in a hospital for 10 years, where I learned about a phenomenon called "Sundowners." Some elderly patients, particularly those with even the mildest form of dementia, would FLIP OUT at night time after it turned dark. I don't recall the specifics of why this happens ( I think it was something to do with the patients not being able to tell what time it was or where they were), but I think I had a mild version of it when I was younger. I wouldn't "flip out," but I became sad and nervous when the sun began to set. I believe it had to do with mourning the loss of daytime play hours and commencing a boring evening with my family, or later, by myself.

I struggled with this from childhood to early adulthood, and still get a bit of it on Sunday nights when my weekend is coming to an end and the work week is about to start over, but moreover, I think I suffer from a reverse disorder seasonally with a syndrome I like to call "Sunuppers."

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is said to be caused by lack of sunlight. I disagree. In my case, it is caused BY sunlight. I am miserable every summer. I’m uncomfortably hot, sweaty, and irritable, and I’m not particularly interested in water activities or the beach, which makes summer a worthless three months.

Now that we are into autumn, I have a renewed sense of hope and glee. The other night, it was (for me) a chilly 68 degrees with grey clouds and lots of wind, so I decided to take a walk to enjoy the cool breeze. On my walk, I felt excited and optimistic.

Historically, no matter what kind of craziness is going on in my life, October through May is a fantastic time. Sure, it gets a little scary in December and January when I never see the light of day except from my office window, and I can’t go anywhere without a coat and socks on, but it still beats summer exponentially. (I have a very small window of comfort temperature wise and summer and winter are outside of those limits, but winter is so darn fun, I’m forced to get over it.)

I am also invigorated by glimpses of pumpkin patches and the scent of cinnamon pine cones emanating from the produce section of my local grocery store. Sunday, it’s supposed to be 20 degrees cooler with a chance of rain, and I can’t wait. Maybe I’ll have to hit up one of those pumpkin patches and get myself something pretty.

Soon it will be Halloween and the holiday season will be upon us…parties, treats, snuggling with my sweetie while listening to the sound of rain, occasions to sit on an outdoor patio in a knitted hat and scarf sipping Frangelico on the rocks, giggling about something silly while my nose turns red and numb. I can’t wait!